Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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