Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
