I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sober January is a disaster.
As shirtless as possible
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
