im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
