I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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