even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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