Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
