just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
