I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
