I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
