I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
