I got chris browned last night
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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