Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
