if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
