dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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