I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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