Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
