OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
