You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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