so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
