ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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