I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
