Im at strip club and am horny
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
