My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
