Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
