i love accidental penises.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize