i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
