i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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