Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
