i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
