Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i barfeds in our rink
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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