i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
