I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
