puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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