please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
