Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
