i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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