I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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