He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
