evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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