He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
