I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
