So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
