I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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