He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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