So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
