Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
