call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
