saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
