he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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