How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
