did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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