4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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