Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize