Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
