my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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