My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
