i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
