he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
