it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
