I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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