I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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