just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize