My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's always time for handjobs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
