he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
