There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
