One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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