NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
