we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
