My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize