You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
