I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize