Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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