I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
