My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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