he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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