Tell her she can't have a vagina
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
