the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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