He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
