We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
