did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
