I cockslap morals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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