I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize