I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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