real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We need a shit load of segways right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
