so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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