She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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