Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
