R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
