omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
