I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
