im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Rumble strips road head = magical
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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