We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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