Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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