My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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